There I still Am

Where ever I go there I still am. I realized today that I am in this place of having all false beliefs and what ever else that doesn't serve me stripped away. I just have me. At this point I am feeling abnormally calm about this. It feels like this huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders so that I could see with clear eyes the beauty of my own soul. This humbles me beyond words, it brings tears to my eyes every time my heart says "See your fabulous just on your own. You don't need to identify yourself by what you do or have." You see when I was younger it seemed all about a look or what job you had that made you who you where. I allowed myself to agree with that simply because I did not like who I was, I didn't think I had reason to like me. I let everyone else decide whether or not I was like able. Oh how I hurt my own soul and for that I am so very sorry.

As I become more aware of this I ponder how will I teach my own daughter to simply love being her? That no one else can be her. How do I teach her to fall in love with herself day in and day out? How do I nurture her amazing soul so she is not influenced by others but by the words of her heart? I have to admit I am nervous about this but this where my faith steps in. That something larger than myself to carry me through, to heal the wounds of my own soul so that I may bless the beauty of hers.

Namaste,
Tonia

Learning to Love

I've been in something that I can't quite put words too. I 've been cranky, irritated, and mad at myself and others. Quite frankly I am over myself and my pity party. I seems it can become a ridiculous cycle and it can go on and on and on if I let it. In part I am mad at myself for not being further in life, and at the same time I am a bit shocked that I even have this expectation about myself. It's a strange place to be when your standing in the middle seeing quite clearly the two different parts of your soul. They both have something to say of equal importants. I can't help but feel this might have something to do with learning to love myself and being kind to myself. I am unsure of how to do this, and I feel less than because I don't know how to love myself to the fullest. All the while its the very thing I am teaching my sweet little girl day in and day out.

I have to ponder where we learn to set expectations of ourselves, not that others are to blame for our choices. But what is it that makes these expectations have such an incredible influence on our Psyche and who's standards are we using? Especially if there is only one true us, how can anyone be the standard at which we are setting for ourselves. We are setting ourselves up for immediate failure and that seems like a long terrible way to live. So as I learn my way through this process of loving myself I say a prayer to the universe, "Please help me to be kind to myself and others all the while honoring my soul".

"Love is the True Nature of Our Soul"

I was listening to a cd and heard these words "Love is the true nature of the soul". I couldn't help but say out loud how beautiful that is and in that exact same moment my heart responded with a warm buzz acknowleding the truth that had been spoken. For those of you who know me, I don't just say my thoughts, I feel them. My emotions tend to build upon each other searching for the deepest truth of what is being felt. If it is true that we are a spiritual being having a human experience then we never have to search for love in our lifetime. We just to have maintain a space for love to live untouched by judgement and fear. This seems so clear in one moment and completely complicated in the next.

When reflecting on what this love would look like I envisioned a warm red heart humming with a beautiful glistening light shining through it and around it. All the while being protected by a bubble. I have danced with the vibration of love swirling around in it's essence. I have also found myself many times dancing with judgement and fear. It seems that for me to stay in the true nature of my soul I would have to forgive daily as well as pray daily. I love the saying that "the prayer doesn't change, prayer changes us." I encourage you to be in love with the true nature of your soul, even if just for a moment.

Namaste,
Tonia

Love Can Heal the World

Happy Valentine's Day dear friends! I was lucky to have a date with my hubby tonight, as well as the luxury of lingering in Barnes and Noble. I came across a newly released book titled "An Alter in the World" By Barbara Taylor. The idea of this book is that we keep looking for God as love outside of ourselves in distant places and that instead we should be seeing God as love in us and the everyday moments. I find that so fitting as today is valentine's day, the day about love. I love that a book has been written to allow for this idea that to find god (that something larger than ourselves) is to love ourselves and all that comes with living life. As a child the one thing I always said I wanted was to be loved. It was as if a part of my soul already new I would be on this spiritual quest to find love.

I find great beauty in reflecting how my definition and perspective of love has evolved over the years. As a young girl it was about if I am loved then I am OK. Come teenage years it was about the physical attraction that takes place with raging hormones. In the early twenties it was as if I had just combined the young girl and the teenager to become the young adult! The true shift came when I met Chris, my beloved. A piece of my heart settled in and said this it, he is your mate for a lifetime. Marriage has been an incredible lesson on love, it has challenged the very core of what I thought to be love. Here's what I know now, that your mate can only love you to the extent that you love yourself. Really this truth stands for all relationships. I am reminded of this truth quite often, especially when it is I who is feeling less than. It is in the moment of realization that I get it doesn't matter what he does, it is I who has to feel the love internally. When I feel love my heart hums. It a creates a vibration that extends into the world. I know now why the mystics say love can heal the world.

Namaste,
Tonia

Demonstration of Prayer

The young girl whom I wrote about in the last post crossed my path again. I had the chance to ask her if she was alright. The day she was in such distress I told her to pray for her highest and best good to come of this situation. She shared with me that because of that prayer doors opened that she didn't know where possible and that despite what had taken place she was hopeful for her future. My heart was cracked open again with Divine Truth.

I was reminded how powerful prayer is and how even more powerful it is to share our light with another. I am humbled by this deep calling to help the youth, to teach and inspire them to heal themselves so that they too can share their light with another. I don't know how this will unfold but I do know that if I honor the divine mind it will present itself. I will continue to listen to the calling of my heart and I urge you to do the same.

Namaste,
Tonia

Relationship to Self

I was reminded once again how important it is to have a loving relationship with ourselves. How the choices we make can be so greatly affected by whether or not we are connected to the deepest part of ourselves. I witnessed a young girl today who was in such despair about a poor choice that she had made. I couldn't help but wonder if her choice would have been different if she had loved herself more than she did in the moment that she chose. I wanted to reach out to her and let her know that she is not her choice. I wanted to tell her to forgive herself and remember the divine nature that she truly is. I have made plenty of poor choices in the past and did not love myself while choosing. How I wish at the time I had someone to tell me I am not my choice I just simply made a bad one for the moment and that I can choose again.

I am frustrated and saddened by a tendency to think that kids that act out our just bad kids and not worth the trouble. I don't believe this to be true from the deepest part of my soul. I see them as children that our just not whole and who are desperately trying to find themselves in anyway possible. I want so badly to save these children and give them hope. I want to teach them to love themselves and honor who they are. In the mean time I urge you to love yourself, and to teach your children to love who they are. I pray for the highest and best good for the children of the world.

Namaste,
Tonia

Living With A Soulful Edge

There is a reason I am constantly in search of healing and accepting my souls desire. I believe at great length by doing this we become better people. That by healing ourselves, we heal the world. It seems funny at times that we as humans tend to blame companies or the government for what is wrong but what we fail to remember is that it is people who run these companies and the government. I believe deep down that if people where really connected to their greater good the world would run in a harmonious vibration. That it would be this spread of good that was like being dusted with magic.

I have become a better mother, wife, daughter, and friend since I have been on this soulful journey that began twelve years ago. In this time I have realized that the healing isn't about a destination but the journey and the people I have soulfully connected with. It's the magic that takes place along the path that allows for us to open the gateways to more good. It's allowing that something greater than ourselves to work in our lives and to trust the aspirations of our soul. Knowing it is telling us its deepest truth. My prayer to the universe is that every human being connects to their souls desire and has the courage to honor it in this lifetime.

Namaste,
Tonia

"It's None Of My Business"

I am moved by words, the ones that speak to my soul. That tell me things I didn't know I felt. I read the title of this book "It's none of my business what you think of me". I've been told this before and kinda of got it but not really. At the time I was tangled to deeply into my own emotional junk to see with clear eyes. These words have got me churning and questioning my own soul of what this means to me. To take this further what would this mean to me if I took this title as a belief to live by. I 've been brewing about this for a few days now and really taking a good look at my psyche. Searching deep in my heart for an answer to this.

For one I would truly have to stop caring and responding to what people think of me. I would have to start acting in agreeance with this truth. To admit this is huge, its like signing a contract with God. It's relying on faith, knowing that I will be clearly directed to my life's purpose with ease and grace. It would mean to listen to the Divine Mind and not the ego mind. It would mean accepting that my path is my path, and that it is truly just between God and I. It would also mean I don't take on other peoples emotions and claim them as my own or give it too much unnecessary energy. Hence not giving away my power but honoring my power. The truth is I know these things deep deep within but I am fearful. I am uncomfortable but its too late to turn back because the truth heals. Once we become more conscious, its done. We can still choose but most likely if you choose to honor the knowledge within change does take place. So I say a prayer to God that this change takes place with a lot of grace and a large amount of joy.

Namaste,
Tonia

My Heart Burst Open From The Song of Children

God works in mysterious ways! It seems if we set our intentions and keep positive things happen. Things that seem like miracles amongst our everyday life. Last night I was helping at a bake sale and had the great honor of seeing a beautiful African children's choir perform. I had the honor of standing next to one of the children before they performed. I was blessed by their aura of hope that radiated from their being. My heart burst open and I felt like I too was radiating with hope. My prayer for the evening was "Wash away my doubt".

God melted the doubt and replaced it with inspiration. I felt deep in my soul that I have a calling to work with children of the world. I am most struck by this knowing that by helping them, I am really healing me. On a deep spiritual level this is part of my contract with God to uphold. To honor the good that will come from this. It seems I have always realized on some level that we as humans are not separate. We all hurt the same, just as we all dream about a better future the same. I pray for a day that we all realize we are not separate but connected. That every choice we make doesn't just affect us but it affects the world.

Namaste,
Tonia

I faced a Lion Today and Won

I once read that to face our fear is like facing a lion. A lion that doesn't really exist, just a figment of our imagination. I had a hunch today and I chose to honor it. I've been saying the prayer "Infinite Spirit, open the way for the Divine Design of my life to manifest; let the genius within me now be released; let me see clearly the perfect plan." I 've had a lot of ideas swirling around in my head about what my greater yet to be looks like. I 've narrowed it down to these areas: Artistry, Jewelry Designing, Spirituality, and Working with Children.

So today I went to a high end retailer to speak with them about selling my jewelry. On the drive over I was nervous, excited and then thought maybe this is just a bad idea. I love how when something is meant to be something larger than ourselves steps in to support our taking action! The manager of the jewelry department was so very helpful and supportive. He offered to have me bring my things in and share them with the staff so they could give their input. I left feeling so confident and so sure about what my clear path is.

Thank you sweet spirit for another amazing gift!

Namaste,
Tonia

Claiming My Good

I need to let go, I am holding on way too tight to something. I am not entirely sure what it is I am holding on to. I just know it has taken residence in my shoulders. It feels like that last bit you need to let go of before something amazingly great takes place in your life. It's almost like there is a part of self that thinks one way but the rest of myself has said, "I am claiming my GOOD!" So in essence a tug between the two. I am calling it a tug because why give it more energy than it really needs in order to vanish.

I've been saying my prayers and affirmations, I know these work. I have had many showings of these works through out my life that would not have happened had I not stated my desire to the universe. So I must state on many levels I am bursting with excitement for what is my Divine Right, my "GOOD" that I ought to have. Waiting with glad expectation for it to come! I believe the spiritual truth that every single person has a good for them and they ought to have it. So I ask you to listen for the good that is yours to claim trusting in Gods plan.

Namaste,
Tonia

Quote

I read these words the other day and they spoke deeply to me, "There is for each man, perfect self expression. There is a place which he is to fill and no one else can fill, something which he is to do, which no one else can do; it is his destiny!" I felt relieved and sadden all in the same moment after I read this quote. I felt like this quote gave me permission to just be myself and do what it is I do. And then I was upset with myself for wasting so much time caring what other people think of me. Because if there is truth to this quote, no one else can possibly be me and how on earth would I find the answer in someone else!

I can't help but ponder why we so seldom want to be who we are. Why we don't want to fill our own destiny or we resist it at such great lengths? For me to accept my destiny is to be at peace with the gift of intuition and how I am inspired to be the "perfect self expression" of me. So I say this prayer to the universe for us all "Infinite Spirit open the way for each person to find their own perfect self expression in a perfect way under grace"!

Namaste,
Tonia