Sunday, February 21, 2010

Learning to Love

I've been in something that I can't quite put words too. I 've been cranky, irritated, and mad at myself and others. Quite frankly I am over myself and my pity party. I seems it can become a ridiculous cycle and it can go on and on and on if I let it. In part I am mad at myself for not being further in life, and at the same time I am a bit shocked that I even have this expectation about myself. It's a strange place to be when your standing in the middle seeing quite clearly the two different parts of your soul. They both have something to say of equal importants. I can't help but feel this might have something to do with learning to love myself and being kind to myself. I am unsure of how to do this, and I feel less than because I don't know how to love myself to the fullest. All the while its the very thing I am teaching my sweet little girl day in and day out.

I have to ponder where we learn to set expectations of ourselves, not that others are to blame for our choices. But what is it that makes these expectations have such an incredible influence on our Psyche and who's standards are we using? Especially if there is only one true us, how can anyone be the standard at which we are setting for ourselves. We are setting ourselves up for immediate failure and that seems like a long terrible way to live. So as I learn my way through this process of loving myself I say a prayer to the universe, "Please help me to be kind to myself and others all the while honoring my soul".


Teresa said...

Tonia, I love to read your blog. I know that life is not easy, but living it "consciously" is really the best that we can do; to reflect, analyze, and then revisit and improve, that brings us our best life. And the beautiful thing in this life is when we are so conscious and we realize something, we can change it. AT ANY MOMENT!! Trust that you are on the cusp of a mind blowing manifestation at any moment. Heaven and the angels are conspiring on your behalf right now! How lucky you are... much love...

Serenissima said...

It's funny, when I look at you, I think, why can't I be as bubbly and sweet as Tonia? ;-> Comparisons will drive you nuts. But you've taken a big step in overcoming this tendency by recognizing it.